It can be a self fulfilling prophecy; I'm focused on and committed to healing. After I heal one layer, I dig a little deeper and find that my previous mode of healing is insufficient, so I find a new one. And it works! I did a little deeper and find that the new mode is not adequate so I find a new one, and it works! And so it goes. My life is spent on healing and I'm so invested in healing that my body is overwhelmed from all the healing work and needs healing from the healing.*

While I'm poking fun a bit, the fact is that this is true for myself and many others on the journey of life.

At the core the issue is that we have a difficulty really believing that we are ok as we are, with our mistakes and shortcomings and flaws.

This week's Parsha ought to reassure us; after all this is why Hashem "allowed" for such a sin to take place.

The Jewish People experience the greatest revelation of all time - G-d appears to them at Sinai! No one had ever seen G-d like that before and no one will again. It was a one time event. And yet a mere 40 days later they are unfaithful worshiping a golden calf and saying "this is your G-d Israel who took you out of Egypt!" How could such a thing happen?

Psychologically after such an event, could one carry more shame? Guilt? Hopelessness? A need for healing and redemption that would take many lifetimes to accomplish?!

And yet, Hashem says "I have forgiven them as you have requested"!

Forgiveness is real. Redemption is real. Atonement is real. Healing is real.

We ought to be ok with our mistakes and shortcomings because Hashem is. Whose validation do we need other than Hashems?

The healing journey helps us understand where the shame, discomfort etc lies. Once we find it, we need to activate the core within ourselves that is always complete and holy, the one that G-d calls a holy nation and nations of priests.

We activate that through prayer, Torah study and connection with community.

May this Shabbos bring true inner healing, the healing that flows from deep within outward, from our soul into our body and into the world.

Am Yisrael Chai!

Good Shabbos!

*This idea was sparked from https://www.instagram.com/awakenwithally/. TY @DenaSchusterman for sharing. Doing more or doing all is not translating as support or accessing embodied resources for the dysregulated nervous system. Doing all and doing more brings more information to process to your nervous system.

The nervous system needs more support and resources to start efficiently processing the already present information and then accessing new information.

Education means more/new mental information to process IFS means new/more psychological information to process Breathwork means new somatic/sensory information to process Somatic work means new implicit/somatic information to process

If all we do is bring more information to process, but the capacity, resources and needs of our nervous system are the same, it means more pressure than support. The system stays protected or enhances the protections.

The system is more "preoccupied" with how to best protect against the pressure of doing more/all and not how to integrate old patterns. It doesn't feel safe enough to do so.

To integrate, the nervous system needs space, not pressure.

Consider doing less/nothing for a while. Give your system some space to live and be how it is right now. These practices and modalities have to be done in a certain sequence to be supportive.

This doing all and doing more also comes from a protective layer to "fix yourself" because there's a perception that "this is the problem". And in many cases, what we need is to build the capacity to be where we are. The vulnerability to show up as where we are and who we are right now.

In the book Embodied Healing, I go deeper into this foundational understanding and support at the nervous system level. Link in bio to get your copy.

Love,
Ally.