As Rosh Hashanah rapidly approaches I’m noticing that my self reflection intensifies.  Is that happening for you as well?

 

If I’m looking deeply at this self-reflection, I notice that it is made up of complex feelings constructed from my childhood experiences, parental upbringing, influences from early schooling and then the stories I’ve told myself from things I experienced or read/studied.

 

This year I’m taking a page from the millennials, actually from the book of Tanya, and I am going to forgive myself.  I’m going to let go of the judgement that my self reflection produces.  Mainly because it is misplaced judgement and because it holds me back from growing.

 

Let me explain; when I look at my shortcomings from the past year, I see a lot of shortcomings that are internal; my attitudes, emotional responses, judgemental thoughts I have had about others (or myself).  I didn’t have a choice to formulate the core nervous system structure that facilitates those responses or thoughts.  They were designed for me by the genetics I was born with, the parents that raised me, the environment in which I grew up and the events that transpired in my life long before I had any self awareness.

 

So on what basis do I have to judge them, at all?!

 

Other shortcomings I may reflect on have to do with actions. Well, these too are ultimately rooted in those underlying internal systems.  I behave in certain ways because of the same underlying triggers rooted in the nervous system.  But, I’m not getting stuck on those shortcomings either. Not because there isn’t work to be done there, but because I have a more productive and better approach.

 

That approach is to start taking care of my G-dly soul and my relationship with Hashem.  

 

If I invest myself in getting closer to Hashem, I’m much more likely to be empowered to overcome my nervous systems (and animal souls) response to stimuli and do the right thing. If I focus on my shortcomings, I’ll spend time not justifiably feeling bad about myself.

 

Yes, I need to make amends to others and to Hashem for where I have done wrong, but that doesn’t take a long time.  That’s done!

 

I’d rather do teshuva – to return – to my true self, my neshama and my deep relationship with Hashem.  If I focus there, chances are that I’ll have made some real strides in being more in tune with who I really am, the real I. In turn that will allow me to be more conscious of the internal systems and have the capacity to stay plugged into my true self.

 

I believe this is the Chabad approach to the spiritual service of the month of Elul and the High Holiday season.  A much more positive outlook, eh?

 

Best wishes for a good Shabbos and happy last week of Elul, preparing for the new year.

 

With all my love,

 

Rabbi Eliyahu Schusterman