Escaping Resentment

In my work in the recovery community these past few years, I’ve learned of what is called “negative emotional reaction” or a primary emotion – it is resentment.

Resentment is a rot or a mold that works its way from the inside out.  It can be so destructive that it can literally drive a person in recovery to drink or use again.  

One individual in recovery told me that resentment is the trigger for him. When he experiences resentment he knows that either he resolves it or he will relapse.

Resentment is a feeling that someone wronged or mistreated you.  In the words of the Big Book, it could be People, Institutions or Ideas that we may feel wronged or mistreated.  

Resentment is ego driven.  It puts me in the center and sees the other as trying to wrong me or mistreat me.  It’s hard to escape those strong feelings.

Joseph teaches us how to do this.  Consistent with the principles of AA it is based on a spiritual principle.  That is that G-d runs the show.  No one can mistreat me if it isn’t part of the Divine Masterplan.

So, Joseph tells his brothers no less than three times that he was sent by G-d (presented here as Elokim) to Egypt.  On an obvious level he tells them that it was for the purpose of providing sustenance.  On a deeper level though, it seems like he is letting them know that he doesn’t carry resentment because he knows that he was sent. Even though the brothers clearly facilitated his sale and ultimate descent to Egypt, he made it clear that they were merely a vehicle for G-d’s sending him on this journey. 

While Joseph demonstrates a lofty level of achievement of character development and faith, we are all capable of some level of this.

Consider someone who you carry resentment towards now.  How have their actions shaped your life?  Is some of your life that has been affected by that person’s actions positive?  

Or perhaps, you can find compassion for the other person’s struggles and inner trauma that may have brought them to behave that way?  Perhaps forgiveness may be difficult but compassion for them and their demons is something you can muster?

If none of that works, then perhaps just the pure faith that things are orchestrated from above can be liberating.

Finally, perhaps you can incorporate a recognition that you are not a victim, but rather you are on a mission. That mission includes things that you can’t plan for but the One who sent you on this mission, did.

The choice is ours and liberation from resentment comes along with these recognitions.

Good Shabbos and thank you Joseph.

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