The Upside of Corona

My father in law tells the tale of two children, one who is placed in a room filled with toys the other in a room filled with horse manure.

After an hour the child in the room filled with toys is seen sitting on the floor crying while the child in the room with the manure is laughing and playing with the manure.

They ask the children for an explanation for their seemingly opposite reactions.  The child with the toys says, in short order you will take me out of this room and I won’t be able to play with the toys any longer.  The child with the manure says, with all this manure around there must be a horse here somewhere.

Granted, the circumstances surrounding Corona isolation varies from home to home and circumstance to circumstance.  However, free choice still remains available to us and we can choose to see things positively or the opposite.

I choose to see things positively and optimistically.

One of the ideas that struck me is the amazing benefit our children are having from the amount of time they are spending with their parents.  Barring a home where there is abuse, in most homes critical building blocks of brain matter are being created.

In books like “The Body Keeps the Score” and “The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog”, we read about the negative effects childhood neglect and abuse have on the development of children.  Conversely, we read about the critical building blocks that are created simply through the connection of being with a parent.  
The studies show that a parent may be impatient, mom may be snappy and dad may lose his temper but that all is forgiven (by the body) when the parent is physically there and when the majority of time is spent in love and connection.

You don’t have to be perfect to be a perfect parent.  In fact which parent is perfect?

 
I’ve been thinking about this as I try to envision what my children are experiencing, trying to put myself in their shoes.

I see my children building critical neurons as they have endless time to play indoors and outdoors, literally, they are allowed to be children!  I see my children happy and basking in connection while they do their Zoom school with the knowledge that Dad or Mom are in the next room. I see my children enjoying the company of their siblings and soaking in familial connections even when they argue and squabble.

As the reports begin to come out about summer camp closings, the inner stress levels begin to rise and we wonder how we’ll survive the summer?  Or better yet, how will the kids survive the summer?!

 
I think about my own childhood and I look with a measure of envy at my children and wish that I had the opportunity to just be a child 24/7.

These days I’m choosing to look at the manure and realize that there is a horse here somewhere.  I may have found it!

You don’t have to be on 100% of the time.  Do your best when you can and give yourself a break when you can’t.  Recognize that the difficulty of this time will not last forever. But the benefits will. Please G-d before long we’ll be struggling again to find time to create a space for our children to just be children.

The opening line of this week’s Torah portion is “And Hashem spoke to Moshe, say to the Kohanim sons of Aaron…”  Our Sages teach that the double expression of speak and say is to teach us that the elders are instructed regarding how to speak to the younger ones.  In choosing which words the Torah uses for “speech” is the word Emor as opposed to Dibur.  Emor is a soft form of speech while Dibur is a harsher form of speech.

 
Each one has its place and time.  The Torah is teaching us that parenting is a function of softness.  Connection is made around the gentle words.  The sensitivity to the child’s “childness” (made up word).  Sensitivity to the child’s need to be a child.  The gentle hug and kiss of a parent.  Reading a bedtime story to your young ones.  Spending time engaged in conversation with the occasionally grumpy teenager.  Laughing together as a family.

Cherish these days, they will be gone before we blink.