Rose Colored Glasses

Have you ever gone through a challenging time in your life (who hasn’t!?)? I have. And a common refrain that I’d hear (in my head or in someones voice) is that someone else has it a lot worse than you.

It reminded me of the saying in Hayom Yom that in material matters look towards those that have less than you and in spiritual matters look towards those that are on a higher spiritual plane.

I always understood this message as an ideal way of developing a healthy perspective on life; as a way of putting on the correct pair of glasses in order to navigate the challenging times and to not become complacent in ones accomplishments.

That was until I read a paragraph in Edith Eger’s “The Choice”. A life transforming read of an Auschwitz survivors journey to healing. In her book she writes that the above attitude actually is inauthentic and diminishes ones own suffering. “This kind of comparison can lead us to minimize or diminish our own suffering. Being a survivor, or being a “thriver” requires absolute acceptance of what was and what is. If we discount our pain, or punish ourselves for feeling lost or isolated or scared about the challenges in our lives, however insignificant, these challenges may seem to someone else, there we’re still choosing to be victims. We’re not seeing our choices. We’re judging ourselves. I don’t want you to hear my story and say, “my own suffering is less significant.” I want you to hear my story and say, “if she can do, then so can I”. ” I would add, what are the tools she used and what are the lessons she learned.

I went back to the Hayom Yom and reread it again and I was fascinated to read all the other words that didn’t ring with me until I put them into her perspective.

Here is the text and how I now understand them.

In material matters, a person should look at someone lower [i.e., less fortunate] than himself, and thank G‑d, Who is gracious, for His kindness to him. In spiritual matters, a person should look at someone who is on a higher level than himself, and petition G‑d to grant him the proper understanding to learn from that person, and the strength and fortitude to elevate himself, level after level.

In material matters the ideal perspective is to understand that despite our challenges or material limitations G-d has provided for us and has given His kindness to us. For our challenges are the exact challenges we need to live our life to its fullest, to fulfill our purpose on this earth. Our limitations and challenges require gratitude and perspective.

When we see others who have less than we do and live their lives despite it is because they have chosen to see their life consistent with these profound values; that each of us are given what we need to fulfill our purpose on this earth.

When it comes to those who have more, the Rebbe writes clearly that our objective is to learn from that person and empower ourselves as a result to grow. Not to be jealous but to learn from that person.

The clarification for me from this understanding is that it is not just a good tactic, a pair of rose colored glasses to help us navigate life. Rather this is a truth for how things really are both in challenging times and in blessed times. Both in regards to those who have less than us and those that are spiritually more accomplished.

With blessings for deep reflection this Shabbos!