Be The Change You Want To See

Rape, pillage, murder, these are the things of war.  Men acting badly in the pursuit of their passions.  

Many Jewish stories tell of pogroms perpetrated by groups of soldiers passing through a village on their way to the front.

It’s not a Jewish story nor a story of the past couple of centuries but a story as old as time.

The Torah tells us that when Jewish men go out to war they are to behave differently, to act with dignity and not lose themselves.

What happens if a man is afflicted with an uncontrollable urge upon seeing a beautiful captive woman?  The Torah “in speaking to the evil inclination in man” prescribes a format to tame his own animal.  Read about here.
Even more interesting is what comes next in the Portion.  The Torah tells us of the rebellious son.  This is the young man who steals, eats raw meat, and fresh wine.

The consequences when both parents are on board is death.  The Torah tells us that we anticipate this child growing into a monster, so do away with him now.

(This is a fascinating insight into the role of parents and believing in your child.  For as long as one parent doesn’t agree to the consequence then the punishment is not meted out.  As long as one parent believes in the good of the child, there is hope.  Only when both parents have despairs of hope for their troubled child then the child doesn’t stand a chance.)

Why the juxtaposition of these two unique Mitzvot?

The Torah is telling that the man who goes to war and is guided by temptation must look inward and recognize that this is a controllable urge, that it is the animal that is driven but that he has the power to overcome it, and that if he wants to change the outcome he must put in the effort.
Similarly, if you see something wrong in your child, the child is not at fault.  Make the change within yourself and you will see the outcome change as well.  

We lead by example overt and subtle and our children pick it up, every little bit of it.  If you want to see change around you, start with yourself.
A teaching attributed to Reb Yisroel Salanter…When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world. But I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my country. When I found I couldn’t change my country, I began to focus on my town. However, I discovered that I couldn’t change the town, and so as I grew older, I tried to change my family. 

Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, but I’ve come to recognize that if long ago I had started with myself, then I could have made an impact on my family. And, my family and I could have made an impact on our town. And that, in turn, could have changed the country and we could all indeed have changed the world.

Good Shabbos!