The Perfect Marriage

A woman sees her friend at work with her wedding band on the wrong finger. She says to her, “Sally, your wedding band is on the wrong finger”.

Sally replies, “I know that’s because I married the wrong man”. 

Marriages are made in heaven, indeed.  But, it is possible, even according to the mystical teachings of Judaism, that one can end up marrying the wrong woman or the wrong man.

But there is one perfect marriage and that is the marriage between body and soul. My body and my soul were meant for each other, as was your body and your soul.

This marriage is not always a happy marriage or an easy marriage.  In fact for the most part it is fraught with struggle and even strife.  But it is THE match that is made in Heaven.

Do you ever disagree with your spouse about where you are going to go to dinner? What color to paint the walls? Where should you go on vacation? Which school to send your children to? 

Our body is one spouse in the relationship.  The body wants me, me, me.  How can I be happy, how can I be gratified?

The soul is the other spouse.  The soul asks one question, “what does G-d want?”.

These are two forces, more powerful than the distinctions of gender of male and female, that live in constant battle.

The discomfort we experience revolves around this tension and our self judgement about it.

If we accept and realise that our body’s idiosyncrasies are by Divine design and that we arrived into this world in this packaging.  If we accept and realise that those things that happened to us in childhood (or adulthood) and the choices that we made, that shaped and continue to shape how we translate those unique genetic make ups into our personality are also by Divine design, then we can begin to bring harmony into this marriage of ours.

Last week Dena and I had the blessing of traveling to Mexico City for the wedding of Alina Rosenthal. Alina was in the first class of the Chabad Intown Hebrew School 26 years ago! 

I planned to pray Friday evening at the Magen David Synagogue, a Syrian Chalabi Synagogue with members of the Rosenthal family.  Then on Shabbos day, I was going to pray at the Chabad.  Before Shabbos, I mapped out the path, wrote down some directions so I could review them in the morning and felt like a nice responsible adult.

Friday night services were beautiful and inspiring.  A prayer like I’ve never heard before with tunes, traditions and nuance that was so unique.  Wonderful dinner with the family and a good nights sleep topped it off.

Shabbos morning, I headed out of the hotel and sure enough found myself a while later on the wrong street.  Why? Because, I’m impatient and like to get many things done.  So, I didn’t bother to actually look at the paper in the morning etc. 

Walking up and down the wrong street I began to beat myself up. What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be more patient, more focused, more detail oriented?! 

Then I remembered that everything is by Divine design. Yes, I can do better, I can make better choices, I can work on being more focused, but my impatience is not a bug, it’s a feature.  Opportunity is ahead. Lessons learned.  How can I harness this feature, to better the world?

As we draw near to Rosh Hashanah and we complete our stock taking, we ought to move from self judgement to resolution.  Not, “what is wrong with me?” but how can I take this seemingly negative trait and harness it into serving Hashem?  How can I take my body and its nuance and turn it into a lover of G-d?

Elul is an acronym for the Hebrew words; Ani lidodi vidodi li – I am to my beloved and my beloved is to me.  It is a statement of love between the maiden and the shepherd in the Song of Songs story.  It is a poetic pledge between the Jewish People and Hashem.  And it is a romantic pledge between the body and soul.

The soul says to the body, “thank you for giving me the ability to serve Hashem and do all of these physical mitzvos.  Without you, I’d be a floating spirit.” The body says to the soul, “thank you for giving my earthiness, physical bruteness, and sometimes even my crassness, identity and purpose.”

And together, body and soul, walk off into the sunset, happily ever after!

May we all be blessed with a Shana Tova Umesukah, a sweet and good New Year!

Good Shabbos!

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