My Journey of Accepting Criticism

Adam was created from the dust.  It has been said that this is the reason that men are defensive and a bit ego focused.  After all, when they look back to their origins, it is just a mound of earth.

I am one of those Adam’s and I want to share with you my journey away from defensiveness or my journey towards acceptance.

I say acceptance because often times we are very set and convinced that we are correct in our defensiveness.  Nonetheless, that doesn’t make the defensiveness any less ugly.  So, it’s really about acceptance.  Acceptance that it’s ok not to need to be right (when you think you’re right).  And it’s ok to be wrong when you are wrong.

There are two internal movements depending on what your internal reaction is in the moment (and it varies).

Both of them require the opening word of this week’s Parsha – Eikev – which means heel.  One ought to look at themselves like a heel.  Not in a bad way “oh, he’s such a heel”, but rather as an expression of humility.  

Like Moses’ attitude; the person who is offering the criticism has something that I don’t have.  In some way they are better than me.  That sense puts things in perspective.

The two responses; 1. You are right.  I’m sorry.  Let me reflect on that.  All of which are expressions of humility and allow for you to navigate towards reconciliation without ugliness.2. Pause – G-d is in the pause.  If your emotions are not allowing you to be humble, your two lips can remain shut for a while.  In that pause, you can evaluate whether you are being stubborn or ego driven.  Or whether you are righteously justified in your feelings and nonetheless if it is worth giving expression to those feelings and possible ugliness that may ensure.

In either response, the heel attitude will allow for the story to have a happier ending and at the same time may actually help you grow in your humility.

Happy Humbling and Good Shabbos!

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